modern culture since 1991

Wings Over Sealand

Standing on one leg

Posted on December 13, 2012 by RevStu

The office is the coldest room in my house. Facing north it doesn't get a lot of sunlight, and the radiator is directly underneath the window, so much of what heat it generates disappears outside immediately. So I have a little halogen heater to keep the place cosy in winter, which also gives off a bright and pleasant firesidey glow and saves you having to turn the light on then wait 45 minutes for the useless "energy-saving" piece of shit to actually reach some sort of vaguely worthwhile level of illumination.

(Never mind about the Iraq war – I'd put Tony fucking Blair in prison for the rest of his life just for robbing us of proper lightbulbs, the wanker.)

The heater has three replaceable halogen elements. This is the process for replacing one of them (click to see the whole thing):

I have two questions for the manufacturers.

1. Are you SURE there isn't some further level of disassembly I could have to go to in order to put a new bulb in? Perhaps I could have to melt the plastic down to a liquid and then re-form it around some sort of mould made out of the polystyrene packaging, or take the whole fucking thing down to the Large Hadron Collider and have them bombard it with electrons at close to the speed of light until there was a decent-sized hole in the front panel that one could insert the replacement bulb into.

2. What are you, fucking STUPID OR SOMETHING, OR WHAT?

2(a). Or just CUNTS?

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8 to “Standing on one leg”

  1. Ian says:

    Just a wee FYI if you're having trouble, buy a new energy saving bulb. The old ones were pretty bad while new ones are up to full brightness in a few seconds. I have new ones all over my house apart from one or two "legacy" ones and the difference is marked.

  2. Andrew says:

    What brand are you using Ian? 

  3. Captain Stylish says:

    Consider upgrading to LED bulbs. Although pricey they last forever and come on instantly and have far better light quality than energy savers. I have a couple of these and they are bloody marvellous. NB: Go for warm white unless you are a sadist who likes the colour of hospital waiting rooms..

  4. RevStu says:

    I like LED light, but 60w-equivalents can fuck off. 100w or bust.

  5. Ian says:

    Our Phillips ones are the best, I can provide a negative recommendation in that it is our Ikea ones take ages to get to full brightness :) 
    LED lights are really neat, but I'm waiting till the cost reduces a wee bit as I have 6 incandescents in my kitchen so replacing all of those would cost a fortune at the moment.

  6. Ian Osborne says:

    Go for white-light energy saving bulbs. You can get bayonet-fitting versions from Homebase, but for our living room we needed small screw fittings, so ordered online from Germany. It's amazing what a difference white light makes. The whole room is more cheerful.

  7. Andrew says:

    The thing that gets me about these energy bulbs is that, if memory serves me correctly, they are meant to last 40 million hours, right? I'm lucky to get through 6 months on one of them. Which makes me reluctant to splash out on them. Bah. 

  8. Archie says:

    Best part about energy saving bulbs? They release dangerous mercury fumes (etc.) if you crack them and also present a fire hazard thanks to the electronic gubbins in the base. I've heard of them blowing and burning. I know someone who has had it happen twice.
    Bet you love them even more now. :(
    I ended up swapping to halogen lights as the nearest equivalent. It is bright. Gives off a nice glow and isn't as cold or sharp as the LEDs. Bring back proper bulbs, I say.

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