modern culture since 1991

Wings Over Sealand

How all men’s food should look

Posted on July 18, 2010 by RevStu

If you're a member of WoSblog's highly secretive Alert Viewers Society, you might recall that WoSblog recently visited the intriguing city of Gloucester, and in passing mentioned the presence  – on the menu of the Varsity Bar pub chain – of an item by the name of the Dirty Dog's Dinner.

It didn't seem fair, though, that WoSblog's beloved viewers should be expected to simply picture it in their minds. So here it is.

It should be noted that the shot above (taken this weekend in the pleasant Cardiff outlet) represents the £3.99 meal with a substantial amount of headway already made into it, and with some HP Sauce added for largely visual effect. It actually started off looking like the shot below, but the later one captures its nature more effectively.

(WosBlog's lunch companion, you'll notice, ate rather more conservatively and will live a lot longer. But more happily? I doubt it.)

The Dirty Dog's Dinner comprises – in generous amounts – slices of sausage and very lean bacon, piled high with chips and beans and served in – as you can plainly see – a proper steel dogbowl. (There's no trickery on show here, either – it's as deep as it looks, and I couldn't make it all the way to the bottom. The side order of garlic bread was probably a mistake.) And the thing is, it's delicious. And I don't normally even eat baked beans.

The universal truth rarely spoken is that an honest reflection of Western society would see all men's food – from greasy spoons to Burger King to the Ritz and Heston Blumenthal's Fat Duck – delivered like this.

By all means give the ladies dainty china plates with teeny little moussellines of this, escalopes of that and juliennes of the other, tastefully and artistically arranged on beds of pulses you've never heard of in the shape of the coat of arms of Louis XII, and drizzled with a plume of Bar-le-Duc. They like things pretty and they're forever fretting about diets, bless 'em.

But for men? Smush it all up in a dogdish, pile baked beans on top of it, and if you really want to do the job right don't bother with cutlery. We're tired of holding back.

13 to “How all men’s food should look”

  1. Irish Al says:

    That looks fairly nice, in a hangover remedy sort of way. You can't be eating that sort of gear every day though. Shit'll kill ya.

  2. RevStu says:

    Well, no. But luckily Cardiff is the nearest branch, and that's an hour on the train away.

  3. DamoJ says:

    Turns out there's one in Manchester.  I shall investigate further.

  4. Cook says:

    Lovely! Just what you'd be wanting when your belly is rumbling.

  5. Toby says:

    Next week: The Munchy Box aka the Jock-Monsieur.

  6. Matt Smith says:

    Erk. I think I'll stick with food on a plate, thanks.

  7. Yetiman says:

    Christ.  I hope that was the newer, nicer Varsity you went to.  The idea of eating in the big one is bad enough, without the food coming in a dog bowl.
    Incidentally, next time you're in the 'diff, there are actual *nice* places to eat…

  8. It's a sad world when body builders endorse steroids rather than food like this.

  9. Marc says:

    The food looks good, but I will never, ever eat from a dog bowl – no matter how clean and shiny it looks.

  10. Xeethra says:

    That, Mr. Ribiero, depends on what kind of body you want to build…

  11. A manly body! :D

  12. coyote says:

    That looks fucking disgusting. And I have REALLY low standards.

  13. xbendystevex says:

    I reckon you could do a really nice Pie Floater in one of those steel dog bowls.

    A Pie Floater is a savoury pie of your choice floating upside-down on thick pea soup, topped off with ketchup (or brown sauce I suppose.)

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    Hello. I am the Rev. Stuart Campbell,
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